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Al-Rawahi

The power of the mind to affect the body as a whole and its health as in particular is amazing.  It is not secret that stress (overwork, grief, depression, etc) can depress the ability of the above power.

Let’s consider one example to understand more what I am going to ask later, imagine you are in a cold area and you only have light stuff to cover yourself with; what are you going to do to keep yourself warm and stable?

Answer: in my point of view, I would try to think hardly that I am not feeling cold; I would try to remember some good things that I like or remember those that I don’t.  I do all these in order to keep myself warm.  This kind of thinking, in this example, is so called POSITIVE THINKING!!

My Questions to you are:

• Do you usually think positively or negatively?
• If you are more with the 2nd one (negative thinking), then what do you reckon the best way to change you thinking’s track?
• Do we inherit our past generation’s thinking?

Alrahbi

Answering your questions from my point of view:

1-     My thinking depends so much on the situation I am facing. But I'm more towards the positive thinking with no doubts that whether I or someone else will come across moment when we all have to think negatively.

2-     To change it, I guess we just have to be more positive about things, take it easy and count on ALLAH. Because Prophet Mohammed (puh) did encourage us to be positive.

3-     I don't agree with the inheriting thing, because our thinking develops according to many things, such as environment, lifestyle, parents’ education and way of raising their kids, life situations and experiences...etc. According to all these things, our thinking will be clear. If we live in a family that is negatively think about everything, then kids will learn that. But sometimes, there are exceptions when the kid doesn’t follow the usual way of thinking of his/her parents and I see that person with a creative way of thinking.

According to one of the Psychology streams, people have many ways of thinking, the negative one which tries to find negative points, and the creative thinking which is the way that changes way of thinking.

Al-Rawahi

Comment on: “I don't agree with the inheriting think”

Didn’t you come across with something like: “You are as a bad-tempered as your father” or “You are a very good thinker because your grand’s were scholars” and many goes to fill the list.

It is said that humans are genes and environment; Humans are in such a way due to their genes plus their surrounding environment.

I know some people who get angry easily because they have inherited this feature from their grand’s.  However, those people can change their thinking’ track if they change their environment

Alrahbi

Probably you are right somehow, I agree but one thing about intelligence, 75% comes from the mother!, according to one of the medical journals.

Inheriting doesn't do much I think, the big role goes to the environment and the learning skill. However, I agree now that we can inherit. Perhaps we should try our best to control our behavior and try to reduce any bad ones and improve the good ones. What if the whole family is quick-tempered? Like the father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, etc... sometimes all of them are quick-tempered.

Can you tell me how we can inherit behaviors? Or at least the percentage?

Al-Rawahi

Before a zygote is existed, a process called cross over would take place in order to let a body to exist and keep growing, inheritance begins, by then!!
In the above process (cross over), a human gets some features from his/her parents, these features include: sight vision, thinking, behaviors, blood type and even some inheritable disease (e.g. Diabetes).
All the members in the forum are my brothers but not my biological brothers. Biological brothers are those who have (most probably) as the same features as their parents. So if one shares similar features with his bro/sis, then he/she would most probably share those features with where he/she came from, Parents.

Regarding the percentage, it depends on the "cross over" process.

Alrahbi

So that means, even if we don't like a certain behavior, it's not our fault if we did inherit it from our parents.  I get what you mean now, but the problem is how we can change that annoying behavior if it's inherited? I thought about it and I guess that practicing on reducing it is the best thing. For instance, if I'm a quick-tempered person like my dad then the only way to be less tempered is to try practicing the temper-control tasks. We can find these ones in books related to this area.
So that will make up a general statement on reducing the number of times when acting unwanted behavior by doing the opposite of it on steps basis until we get to a level which enables us to control this unwanted behavior. Does that make sense?

Al-Rawahi

You are right. We have the ability to change our bad behaviors and thinkings path.
Would you like to share with us some of the ways (solutions) that you reckon we should tag on to change our inner devil?

Alrahbi

As you said, it's the inner devil!
I once was listening to “Amru Khalid” in a program called "wa nalqa alahebbah". It’s in Iqra'a TV channel. He was saying that there are people who are always pretending to be the best in front of other people by doing all the prayers and being so decent...etc but once we are alone and nobody can see us, then that person will start doings sins.
As I said before I guess practicing not to do these negative behaviors is one of the solutions. I want to point out here that we should always keep in our heads that all our actions are written and that it's our duty to change the negative things in us. Or at least, use the negative part of us in something useful!
That's all what I can come up with, Thanks again for the nice topic.

Al-Rawahi

Let’s get down to the thinking track again.
Some people may think in a positive way (nothing wrong with that).  However, the malady starts when it comes down to the outcomes they gain.
Let me clarify it more by pointing out an example...
Well, a poor (lack of money) guy who is innocent and thinks always positively about others, and because of that he doesn't gain what he desires since people took an advantage of his overkindness  He has been cheated so many times and that is because of his way of thinking towards others.
Questions:
What can we name this sort of thinking?
Is the “poor” guy considered as guilty? If no, who is the guilty then?
What is your advice to this kind of people?

Alrahbi

I guess the man didn't do anything wrong. In Islam I know it's not good to think bad about people but we were also asked to be careful. It's not about the person himself, but those who take advantage of that are negative people.

The man didn't do anything wrong, except he should be more careful like not to believe anything said to him and check whether it's true or not, not trust anyone easily, help with what he can do and not helping with more than his abilities.

Another thing, if he sees that he has right in something, then he should take it and not leave it, because in that way he is giving away the chance to get that thing that is supposed to be his. Eventually when people notice his way of dealing with things in such a way, they will certainly take advantage of that and those are "Sick" people. I won't say the man is guilty; he needs to learn how to take his rights and sick people are guilty!

That's my point of view!!

Al-Rawahi

Yea you're right
Do you reckon he (the case example) is going to change his personality (or I better say his “over” positive thinking) that quick?

Well, I reckon that guy won’t realize that he is “mistaken” unless if he falls down into a deep dilemma because his thinking became a “habit” that can’t be thrown away easily.  How a habit does exist? Habit, generally, is obtained by repeating the same thing (normally actions) several times till it is glued in the behavior manner, so that guy, in my point of view, won’t divest himself of it unless a strong believe comes out “strongly” from his core.
I know I’m kind of complicating the problem but it is fact that one should do a lot to get rid of something.  Even if the guy could success in one of his daily life with others, he will, for sure, get back to his old canton!!!  It’s not always true by the way.

Well, there are those who can’t do a forward step unless a plan has been made previously.  Let’s take an example that I reckon every member in this forum has crossed with it one day.  A student who prepared to study a certain subject, say International Business, at a certain time, say 10:00 am, in the library and suddenly he realized that a workshop has been placed in his timetable at that time, 10:00 am.  What do you think his reaction would be?  Well, he would, generally, get kind of upset and angry and not only that he may run out of his mood for the rest of that day!!  Why? Because he always relay on his preparation (plans) and he doesn’t put in mind that unexpected may appear on the surface.

Questions:

• Do you usually make a plan prior to commencing things? Honestly. [always, usually, often, some times, rarely, never]
• What do you do if unexpected thing, suddenly, occur? {Emotionally, mentally physically}

Alrahbi

With me, yes I do plan for everything always, could be a day earlier or up to 4 months earlier. I even have a plan for something after a year and 6 months, I have done the first step of it and 2 more steps to go and I should start working on what I have planned for!

If unexpected event appeared on the way, I would go through the following steps:

• NOT panic (emotionally)
• NOT worry myself sick (emotionally)
• keep a clear mind to think well (mentally)
• brainstorm for alternatives then get the most appropriate plan for the sudden event (mentally)
• perhaps taking a shower may help, have ice cream, or grab a bar of chocolate (physically)
• get help from someone if needed (physically)
• get as much information as possible (physically)
• act according to the plan just created (physically)
• reschedule my timetable

These are the steps I usually follow, even for simple situations, sometimes I don't need to get help, or have anything!

Al-Rawahi

What an absolute, well organized reaction that you follow.  Carry on.
Yea, the fundamental basic of life is to play life’s roles well. Prepare & Expect. One can’t be taken before the other. We need to follow the above “principle” because we are owned by life and honestly we get impermanent stuff from it except our “deeds: either good or bad”
There are many things to do as a reaction of getting unexpected event and I believe and argue that the head of the list that you should think of first is ALLAH.  An example of remembering ALLAH is to bow down to HIM.  I have read an article, which says that when you bow down, you actually dispose of all the interrupted messages that obstruct the brain not to function well, and the last may make you to run out of mood as well as energy.  The interrupted messages, as the article says, carry “negative charge” so as soon as your head is attached to the ground, the negative charge would be released into the ground since “Ka’pa - positive charge” has been placed in the centre of the earth.

Here we are again.
If an unexpected event is better of what you have planned for, do you still run your way of making plans along or you would change it as a reaction of acclimatization?

Suppose you are going for an outdoor activity, say skiing, when do you feel more excited and pleased: when you make plan for it or when it comes to you out as an expected event?

Alrahbi

Well, it depends on the situation honestly if you really need to do any changes. Yeah, sometimes I continue doing the same plan, sometimes I change it. Sometimes I make up plans without having something to come up suddenly. For example, if I planned to study for an hour a certain chapter in a book and I finished in half an hour, then I would spend the extra half an hour in relaxing or playing a game. I mean sometimes we need to make up some plans for no reason, well the reason here I had extra free time.

Comment on: “Suppose you are going for an outdoor activity, say skiing, when do you feel more excited and pleased: when you make plan for it or when it comes to you out as an expected event?”

I never do anything without planning. I even plan for the worst cases, for emergencies, for almost everything I can think of. Almost everyday, before I go to bed, I get a piece of paper and write down what I'm going to do tomorrow because for me time is so important and I need it so much because I have heaps of others things and I need to fit them in also.

Even with unexpected events, if I can make a quick plan then I will go for it, otherwise I won't get involved in an activity I haven’t planned for it earlier, for me it's so risky!

Al-QaNa3a

This is my point of view: Positive thinking is always recommended sometimes leads to taking things easily and not worrying too much which leads to calmness which leads to being relaxed which helps maintaining happiness which is excellent.
However, again as you guys mentioned above it all depends on the person and on the situation that person is under.  A person who can think on the spot and positively in difficult situations is gifted and HAPPY 24/7 I guess.  LUCKY hey!
Anyway this is what I think.

Al-Rawahi

So true Al-QaNa3a.  I am pleased that you reached the main point that this thread is all about. Thanks anyways

These are some suggestions for building positive attitudes:

• In every class, look for positive people to associate with.
• In every lecture, look for one more interesting idea.
• In every chapter, find one more concept important to you.
• With every friend, explain a new idea you've just learned.
• With every teacher, ask a question.
• With yourself, keep a list of your goals, positive thoughts and actions.
• Remember, you are what you think, you feel what you want.
  
  .... Life is Short.... you never know what is around the corner, so live everyday as if it were your last and get the most out of life by thinking and feeling positive.

Now suppose you became a good positive thinker, you'll In Sha Allah, then:

• Would you like to contribute the gift that you got to your surrounding people as an understanding of “Public benefit –1st” statement?
• If yes, hopefully, then:
  Whom would you like to begin with?
• Would you like to share with us some of the methods that you are going to use? With some daily examples, if possible, to be clear…
  (e.g. Telling your little brother to hope, not wish, for 95% in his difficult subject rather than being scared of getting 50% or less than that)
• 3 ways you think they should be used to maintain the gift “positive
  thinking” not to fade away?

Alrahbi

Comment on: “Would you like to contribute the gift that you got to your surrounding people as an understanding of “Public benefit –1st” statement?“

Frankly, that statement doesn't come as the first reason in my list! Simply, yes I do like to pass to others but there are aspects I have to keep in mind:

• Not everyone will agree to my point of view as people are different so they would have different experiences and different beliefs.
• do it for ALLAH’s sake as the first reason, then self benefit (makes me feel better and happy), public benefit (to have more positive thinkers).
• having strong evidence to support my arguments.
• ways of discussion or telling people how to think positively.

Comment on: “Whom would you like to begin with?”

My Family, because they are the closest people to me who know my real intentions and attitudes, then going to friends, colleagues and finally strangers.

Comment on: “Would you like to share with us some of the methods that you are going to use?”

1-     Spread the habit of Counting on ALLAH.

2-     Encouragement in good stuff and discouragement (with explaining reasons) in bad stuff

3-     When emotional breakdowns I try to calm down the person and let him/her take the situation from a different angle (I always say to others, Look at the bright side of the situation)

4-     I always rewards my little sisters, cousins and nieces when they do something good

5-     When kids do something wrong I always tell my brothers not to shout (they never listen) but instead explain to them why it's wrong! Shouting is violence and may lead to many mental or emotional problems with this kid in future.

Comment on: “3 ways you think they should be used to maintain the gift “positive
thinking” not to fade away?”

Positive thinking is a skill more than a gift. It's something that anyway can be good at if we learn how to practice it well. There are many way to maintain it but since you mentioned 3 ways then I'll try to squeeze many points in one.

The ways I could come up with at this moment are:

• Learn to listen carefully so you can come out with the right analysis and never ignore anything (correct input gives us correct output)
• Read more about different things to have a fairly background about them and do not give a statement that is not based on any real fact
• Avoid prejudgments and have an open discussion to share opinion and learn from others experiences.

I don't want to exceed the limit but I want to add something here, always before you do any action, think about the expected result and then decide on what action to take or how to think about something!!!

Al-Rawahi

What do you think the best thing a “positive thinker” should do to flexible his/her attitudes toward others (family/friends)?

Let’s go through 2 concepts that may or may not (depending on the reader’s point of view) related to each other:

• One may not be able to advice his/her family due to his/her squat position among his bro’s/sis’s (say the youngest)
• Another is unable to advice his/her friends due to the unlovable consequence that may occur (e.g. Losing the friendship)

Imagine you are placed in either one of the above cases, what would you do to over come that situation?

Alrahbi

• Ask someone else to get involved
• Try to advice again after some days by changing the way I tell them
• Get someone to put him/her in a similar situation to get my point
• drop a letter in their bag or pocket or send them an email
• The last thing I'd do is tell them whatever I have and then leave it up to them to decide and then get out of their way!

Now it's my turn to ask since you have been asking so many question, whoever is reading this post, tell me about your reaction towards the above situations and

• What would you do when you are being accused of doing something when you know that you didn't do it? (Feelings, Communication and physically...etc) and what's the process you will be taking?
• Tell me your reaction when it comes from a member of the family or a relative
• Your reaction when it comes from a friend
• Your reaction when it comes from a stranger or some formal department!

Al-QaNa3a

"I think some people are born somehow to see and are affected in their life by the events and environment and circumstances they live under, which is a consequent of their behavior (positive /negative) whether this or that. It’s the background of the person and events that happened to him/her that shapes the concept of positive or negative thinking.

From my experience, many people who lived and who have had bad experiences in their lives are the ones who think negatively and therefore don't expect much from life and are really less confident and very pessimistic about life. Of course on the other hand some of these exact people due to the hard times they passed through,, it becomes easier for them to handle life whether bad or good and it makes them very satisfied even if they get the smallest things in life, which in itself could be positive thinking but at the end it depends on the individual himself/herself

Some people are born negative thinking and stay like that and some are positive thinkers and the life we need to have both to some extent balanced.  If we had positive thinkers we wouldn't be able to see the bad things in life and therefore improve them.  With negative thinkers, we are able to see the bad things and therefore we go on and improve those things. So it's all balancing this and that. At the end a person who has both negative and positive thinking balanced would be successful.

But again that's just what I think, what do you think?

Alrahbi

Al-Qana3a: I agree with what you have said in term of balancing. As it is mentioned in the holy Qur’an that we should have positive thinking, it is mentioned that sometimes negative thinking is good.

For example, in the case of a crime, we should not think positively about a criminal because we are not sure if he/her committed the crime. Thus, we need some negative thinking!

In terms of Ethics, negative thinking is needed as well; otherwise we would have had a study area called LAW! When someone does something wrong, then depends on the situation we can define as something good or bad.  For example, in computing hacking is not a crime as many people think. Because a hacker can get an excuse and say that it was the other's person’s mistake not to have a high level of security.

And as you said, we do need to balance in everything but none of you guys answered my questions.

Al-Rawahi

I believe one should not use what so-called “negative thinking” never ever in order to prevent him/her self from such unwanted behaviors such as lying. It is true that one must be cautious all the time through so then cheating and its consequences won’t approach him/her.

In the process of identifying criminals:
One should use his/her positive thinking (studying low or criminology, searching for every single action) all the way along in order to make out the truth rather than kicking such “unproved” ideas (may be existed corresponding to the misuse of thinking) that may mislead the truth.

I believe we create every so-called illness in our body by the misuse of thinking. Continuous modes thinking produce body behaviors and postures and “eases” or diseases. The person who has a permanently scowling face didn’t produce that by having joyous, loving thoughts “positive thinking”. Older people’s faces and bodies show so clearly a lifetime of thinking behaviors. How will you look when you are elderly? Think about it considerably!!!

Comment on: “what would you do when you are being accused of doing something when you know that you didn't do it? (Feelings, Communication and physically...etc) and what's the process you will be taking?”

Well, everyone’s feeling potential may be changed as a consequence of being accused, regardless of age, gender, race, creed or income. The blamed one would go through series of undesirable feeling “depression, anxiousness, vexed, weak-kneed as well as weak-minded” and the list of these feeling would fluctuate corresponding to the accuser’s inner environment plus the outer environment (people, weather, etc…)
As a result of being "down in the dumps", the accuser may most likely communicate in an acceptable way (shouting/barking (verbally and physically), sobbing or being quite!).

Well, truly, if I became accused of doing something that I’ve not done, I would go through the following in order to be released:

1-     Settling myself down by every possible use (because one can’t think well while he/she is out of control) by changing my position, reading Qu’ran as well as asking ALLAH for help.

2-     Going through every single event in the problem, knowing its consequences and understanding the main event that has made me being accused.

3-     After getting all the info, which related to the problem, I would analyze them and perceiving carefully my position in it.

4-     Collecting some evidences that may support me to be released.

5-     At end, I would try my best to get my right back (being fairly free).

Al-QaNa3a:

Reactions: I would agree with Al-Rawahi totally adding to that the MOST crucial and Extremely important factor to avoid is : ANGER
ANGER is what occurs whether straight away or eventually or even within the process of being accused or in the process of trying to justify yourself..
SO controlling your self (ANGER) and being VERY patient + of course adding to Al-Rawahi good communication skills used to enhance the evidence and justification. THESE are the keys to the doors of freedom and relief

To me the worst case scenario is getting accusations from loved ones (family)! But again I would analyze the situation and try to find the MAIN reason and roots of the accusation.
i.e. where it came from?
Why it occurred in the first place?
+ analyzing my own behavior, for example:
the things I do, the way I act and all my actions even in the past. Usually it's the past of the person which contributes substantially to the accusation and the extent of it's effect some people may accuse you for something that u did once in your life even though you're now much older and more mature, so it mostly depends on the past..

It's VERY hard to act as the above explained methods when someone is accused of something, But it takes experience and time to develop the skills of positive thinking and good problem analyzing and of course reaching to best solutions quickly.

Al-Rawahi

Well, I utterly agree with you that the unfavorable past may glue tightly in its possessor and thus strong cracks should be existed in order to rub it out absolutely.

Humans, habitually, like to see or snoop weird bits and a good example to be mentioned in this leg is the “NEWS” program of the television. If you followed any news deadlines, you would perceive that almost 80% of its succession is about wars, terrorism…etc and the consequences of those topics may highly reflect back to its viewers. These consequences include: getting bad images of certain group of people (who might be accused), gaining undesirable fluctuation in the behaviors. And the worse thing of all, I want to point here, is that the viewers are highly unlikely to forget what they have observed UNLESS something, magically, exists in between to change their thinking track. In order to let this thing to exist and preserve it out as more time as possible, certain steps should be followed:

• Dropping all the bad memories down into the dump.
• Believing in the following: “ Bad can be replaced”
• Reflecting good, kind and strong personalities all the time through no matter what the fate brings.
• Being always united and remembering that “ALLAH will help whoever helps others”

I just want to add a thought to the quoted paragraph:
Although the intention of these shows (i.e. Wars, terror campaign, bad images of Islam…etc) has been sat up not to favorable Islam and Arab, it is one of the significant simulators that may guide someone to the path of Islam. The viewers may become somehow raring to go through Islam’s principles in order to find out the reason behind the hatred by western’s world on Islam [in other words, the magnification of Islam by media??!!].

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. -Edith Wharton.